My Why
"As the drumming became more intense, I felt the energy within me expand. It moved beyond the layers of what I had considered to be Me and at that point I wasn't sure if my body would be able to hold or if it was going to explode. Tears rolling down my cheeks and a body that felt like it was on fire.
Disbelief and complete and utter devotion was all I could feel towards that which was so grand, so beautiful and beyond reasoning. I had never felt anything like it but all I could think was YES this is it, this is it!
And it was Me."
During the initiation of my meditation practice I got to truly experience what it means to be Life. Beyond all the stories and beliefs, beyond all the expectations and knowing. I had never witnessed anything so beautiful and overwhelming before and little did I know that this experience would change my life forever.
Since then I have been blessed to experience moments of complete Bliss, in my work space, in my living room and sometimes even while working. Moments of falling down on my knees, tears rolling down my cheeks and nothing to do but bow down to that which is within all of us. Call it Life. Call it Spirit or God.
Some time later I had the opportunity to take it a step further and while going through some of the most intense days of my life I became a witness of not only experiencing it in Me, but also in You. The whole structure of Me got destroyed and in turn I got to experience it All. I remember leaving the space with nothing but a smile on my face thinking "The joke is on Us".
We have tried to divide, we have tried to differentiate and make sense, but it's the silliest thing to do on this planet. Because what is within Me, is within You and it's far beyond anything you've ever known. And that just made me laugh.
It has been these grand experiences, during intense practice and while blissfully surrendering in my own house, that have opened my eyes to what it is that We are looking for.
And thus it feels like a privilege and coming from pure devotion, that I want to lead you there as well.
We're not just peeling of layers because we want to live a pleasant life.
We're not just breaking patterns because we want to be empowered.
We're Liberating ourselves.
And with each step that we take you will get closer to this core, to this Essence, to this Life.
If there's one thing in my life that I want to dedicate my time and effort to, it's having you experience this as well.
Not just understanding it, or knowing about it. But truly experiencing it. Living it.
Maybe you won't experience it today. Maybe you won't even experience it tomorrow.
But every time you come to me.
Every time you open up to me and shed another layer.
I will make sure that you will move in that direction.
In the direction of Home.
And this is my Naked Truth. My Why.
My Story
Just like everyone else, I also have story. A story, a journey, of finding my way through life. It's a story filled with moments of clarity and moments of doubt. Moments in which I felt like I was moving closer towards "knowing" what this life is about, and moments in which I couldn't be more confused.
But like I said, it is a journey and I wouldn't want it to be any different. Because to me the greatest gift we have been given, is to actually be alive. Who knows how much longer we get to live? Who knows how many more adventures you may experience? And who knows anything more beautiful, intricate, subtle, overwhelming and divine than life itself?
So here's my story (so far):
As a kid I was a true enjoy-er of life. Always playing outside, climbing trees, being loud and acting out adventures. So much energy! But being a sensitive little creature, I also really needed my quiet time and to retreat in my own books and world. From a young age on I started to ask questions and question the why and how of life. I remember always wanting to do things perfectly and the combination of these 2 gave me a serious attitude, even for a little girl.
As I grew older, going to secondary school, I slowly started to get more and more in my head. Questioning the meaning of it all, losing track of my playful and joyful side, left me feeling tired. I’d rather avoid the usual fun stuff like going into town or parties with friends because I would be overwhelmed by all the input so easily and just end up feeling more exhausted. My high school crushes were Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci (just to give you a better picture of teenager Tessa) and I started to read books about numerology, crystals, Reiki etc. to try to get an understanding of how this world truly works.
I also started to read about what it means to be an empath or HSP and luckily with the sweet support of my mom things became clearer for me. I could accept slightly better that how I am is absolutely fine and that it might actually be a gift (even though I wasn't convinced yet).
Going to university to study psychology changed a lot for me, for the better. I felt more free to do my own thing and ready to become adventurous and explore the world. And I got more energy! During a gap year I went on a solo trip through Europe, went horseback riding in Mongolia and practiced Kung Fu in the mountains of Wudang China. These were tremendous learning experiences for me and gave me a lot of confidence. Meanwhile I finished a course in a healing technique called Quantum Touch, but I didn't feel completely connected with this method. (Fun fact: I actually participated in a raffle and won this course.. looking back I'm starting to see all the puzzle pieces)
To finalize my masters in Clinical & Health Psychology I wrote a thesis on the influence of spirituality on physical health during periods of stress (I felt there was a great lack of research and attention for spirituality in psychology) and worked as a psychologist for students. My busy lifestyle and many adventures allowed me to get out of my mind and experience life more intensively, but the questions never disappeared (of course).
After my masters I moved to Berlin to start a new adventure (I felt too young to settle down) but the first few years were quite tough. Working as a waitress, living in weird houses, trying to find out what I was doing there.. Luckily I made wonderful friends and met my great love who has been my greatest support and fellow adventurer ever since.
We then embarked on a 1-year trip to South America and Mexico, where we had the honor to learn from shamans in the Colombian jungle, tantric yogic teachers and Pacha Mama herself. It was during this year that I realized it was time for me to set up my own business as a coach and that "I wanted to do more with energy".
I’ve always known that I would never end up working as a psychologist because it felt too limiting for me. Working as a coach would give me the freedom to use my knowledge from all corners of the world and my intuition. And because I wanted to dive deeper into the topic of energy, I decided to do a Theta Healing course. But again, it didn't really felt right to me.
Meanwhile I got involved with the Isha Foundation where I did a few extremely intense yoga programs and eventually I spent 1 month in their Ashram in India. I feel like these experiences gave me the greatest boost in my spiritual development so far and allowed me to feel beyond me as an individual but actually part of something greater.
Back to business.. Spiritually things were on a roll, but business wise things weren’t happening the way I wanted them to happen. It wasn’t until I got help from another energy healer/coach that I realized that in order to make things work on this planet I need to be 100% on this planet. And this is something that doesn’t come naturally to me (I know it might sound odd).
But with my head in the clouds, emphatic skills, intuition and natural flow of upward energy I like to float around. So I had to shed some old pains and make a conscious effort to actually ground. As a result I now experience more energy, more joy and more meaning in my life. It also brought dancing back into my life and made me understand the healing power of dance. This eventually led me to organize my dance meditation sessions which are now a great success.
Moreover, receiving healing sessions from her made something click inside of me and made me realize that I already know how to work with energy. There were no courses for me to explain it, or techniques to learn. I realized that I can just follow my intuition, work with the energy in my own way and the healing already takes place.
From then on life has just been a highly intensive ride and I'm loving every moment of it. I am beyond grateful that I get to work with women who have a same love for life. Who are determined to make the most out of it and who are willing to explore, surrender and grow.
I am so grateful for all the people that have been on my path so far, for all the visible and invisible support that I have received, and for all the struggles that have led me here. It is a continuous journey that we're on, but the beauty of its is: You don't have to do it alone.
With Love,
Tessa
ps. Thank you for reading my story. If there's anything you want to chat about feel free to reach out.